Dear Aspiring Murderer,
Dear Peanut M&M Stuck in My Throat,
Dear Quiet Creepy Guy Who Lives in My Building and May Be A Sociopath,
Dear Fast-Moving City Bus,
Dear Lonely Girl Who Sometimes Leaves Unnecessarily Mean Comments on My Blog,
Dear Deadly Fall Down the Stairs,
If any of you were thinking of murdering me, I just want you to know that you're good to go.
Because tonight, my friends, I met Mr. Jon Bon Jovi.
So, really, I'm all done.