Sunday, June 24, 2007

Dilemma

What if a guy you're dating has this really bad habit of talking in his sleep? And what if it's really really annoying and it keeps you up at night? And what if he does is all night, nonstop, and you just want to tell him to shut the fuck up already because you need your sleep and you can't get a wink when he's yapping away?

But, what if, when he talks in his sleep, all he says is how beautiful he thinks you are, and how much he likes you?

I am not making this up.

Sunday, June 17, 2007

"Kill Your Television"...

....is the name of a Ned's Atomic Dustbin song.

Also, I don't have cable.

No, seriously. I don't. I didn't have it growing up either. I DID have it in college, and shortly after. But for years now, I have lived without MTV, HBO, A&E, VH1, and all the rest. In fact, I hardly watch tv at all (except for Lost, really). Friends are baffled by this. When I was young, I watched tv religiously. I've seen every episode of Family Ties, The Cosby Show, and even Parker Lewis Can't Lose.

But, now, I just get so much more done when I don't have 17 shows to catch up on.

And, for this, I have been interrogated, ridiculed, and ostracized.

Until now.

It is exactly one week since the end of the Sopranos, and people are still walking around in a tizzy, as if they've been ripped off for the past eight years. From what I've heard, the juicy culmination of plot ended with a lame fizzle. And, to all of the viewers who put their heart and souls into their televisions every Sunday night, to all of the people who paid $150 a month to Time Warner Cable so they could see a fat guy who can barely breathe properly unrealistically screw another hot skinny Jersey girl, to all of the people who condescendingly judged me by saying "You don't watch the SOPRANOS?!" ....

To all of those people, I politely bow and say:

Sorry, fuckers. Looks like I won.

Saturday, June 16, 2007

Take That


Per my entry on June 12th, here is a photo of me entering the Bubble.

You can all send me a personal check.

Friday, June 15, 2007

No Joke

Forgive the lack of snarky commentary, but this is just a straight-up public service announcement for 2 services I think you should know about. Plus, I'm fucking tired today and just spent 2 hours making sound-bytey jokes for a talking head show, so I'm all funnied out. In any case, you should know about this:

http://www.millenniummusic.com/trades.html
You can trade in your old CDs for a new ipod. FOR REAL.

and, also, this:
http://www.apple.com/education/itunesu/
For dorks like me who love information and still secretly wish they had an Ab Psych or Philosophy class to attend, this is fantastic.

Thursday, June 14, 2007

Not Jealo

I love the feeling of being organized. Towels neatly folded in a linen closet, appointments beautifully scribed in a leather bound day planner, and old photographs filed in chronological order.

I love that feeling, but I am not that person. My laundry basket overflows, my cash is tossed into my purse but not in my wallet, and my camera and its case have never been introduced.

But the strange phenomenon about this is that even though I would LOVE to be more organized - and I strive to be - I am not envious of organized people. In fact, I don't like them much. Girls with spotless white pants in a rainstorm, guys who have no single socks - only pairs, people who own label makers. I really can't stand those high maintenance, holier-than-though types.

So, go fuck yourselves, Mr. and Mrs. Organized. I'll be in the kitchen.....eating spaghetti out of a saucepan.

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Travel Barometer

The way that I know if I'm traveling out of the city a lot is when I find myself buying refillable metro cards instead of unlimited metro cards.

Also, the guy at the hybrid rental place in LA knows my name.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

YOU OWE ME FIVE BUCKS!

I made it into the bubble!

TWICE.

Saturday, June 2, 2007

Bubble Boys

Have you heard about the band living in the bubble? If not, you should know that there is a band living in a bubble on Pier 54 in New York City. For 3 weeks, the band cannot leave the bubble, and no one else is allowed inside the bubble. So, my mission is to do what cannot be done: get inside the bubble.

I'll bet you $5 I can do it.