Monday, October 29, 2007

AP English

Alternative Press, not Advanced Placement....

I am in the December issue of Alternative Press Magazine!

It's the Comedy Special issue, and I am honored to be featured with the likes of Jim Gaffigan, David Koechner, Kristen Schaal and Kurt Braunohler, and Paul F. Thompkins......He always looks so dapper in those suits.

AP is a great music mag; you can find it near Rolling Stone in your favorite bookstore or kiosk.

Check it out!

Sunday, October 21, 2007

What are you Going to be for Halloween This Year? A Hypocrite?

I love to hear my holier-than-thou guy friends bitch about skanks who sport the cliched slut-in-a-bag "Playboy bunny" or "sexy nurse" Halloween costumes.

Then, I love it when those same friends, year after year, wake up on November 1st next to a naked bridge and tunnel girl, and cat ears and a black bikini on their floor.

Looks like boners trump taste.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Z-Rock

I recently shot a pilot with a bunch of other comedians that just got picked up! It's a semi-improvised comedy for IFC about this real band. Look for it later this season; we're all very proud of it.

Sunday, October 14, 2007

A Letter

Dear Aspiring Murderer,
Dear Peanut M&M Stuck in My Throat,
Dear Quiet Creepy Guy Who Lives in My Building and May Be A Sociopath,
Dear Fast-Moving City Bus,
Dear Lonely Girl Who Sometimes Leaves Unnecessarily Mean Comments on My Blog,
Dear Cancer,
Dear Deadly Fall Down the Stairs,

If any of you were thinking of murdering me, I just want you to know that you're good to go.

Because tonight, my friends, I met Mr. Jon Bon Jovi.

So, really, I'm all done.

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

You Know You Might Be a Stress Eater When...

....it's an hour before you go onstage for a big show, you order take-out for just yourself, and the delivery guy brings you plastic utensils for FOUR PEOPLE.

Tears for Fears

I've heard that the only full days are those in which you both laugh and cry.

This past weekend, I cried when I read a new friend's children's book about a dog dying. Wowsers.

Then, I laughed my ass off when the horn in the rental car went off with no warning....and we couldn't turn it off...as we drove through a quiet beach town.

As for you, I recommend the following activities to fulfill your daily laughter/tear quota:

LAUGHTER:
-Write a letter with your opposite hand.
-Go to Jamba Juice and give a fake name.
-Punch an annoying Upper East Side chick in the face. HARD.
-Drive drunk.
-Google an ex.

TEARS:
-Google an ex.
-Watch Extreme Home Makeover.
-Sit in your room by yourself and listen to that Colin Hay song on the Garden State soundtrack. Seriously. It will make you think of someone, and I fucking DARE you not to cry.
-Watch An Inconvenient Truth.
-Pour salt directly onto your eyeball.

Monday, October 8, 2007

American Idol?

Seriously, America? Are we really liking Daughtry? And, who names their band "Daughtry?" You're not Eddie Van Halen, dude.

"Daughtry" sounds like the name of a bad English pub on a street of good Indian restaurants.

"Hey guys! Wanna go to Daughtry's tonight, drink some So-Co and lime shots, and maybe date rape some chicks?"