Sunday, August 30, 2009

OMG!


I think MJ has possessed Debra Messing!

Friday, August 28, 2009

The Devil

Guys!

It's effing hot out. Drink some water.

If you don't, you'll wind up fucking up an otherwise hilarious scene that you're shooting because your body temperature will suddenly sky rocket, your vision will go blurry, your hearing will sound weird, and you will have to get on all fours to prevent yourself from passing out. This happened to me today. Kinda scary. Not fun.

Skipping breakfast was probably not a good idea, either.
But how else am I supposed to stay skinny???

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Shut Your Mouths, Ladies

If you bitched too much in the 40's, they cut out your brain.

With the death of Ted Kennedy, I've been reading about the Kennedy family history online. For some reason, I am fascinated and horrified by the archaic medical procedures that lived in our country's history...leeches, lobotomies, phrenology, hypnosis, etc. I could read stories for days about young women who were subjected to shocks, magnets, or exorcisms. It intrigues, fascinates, and frustrates me how many of these women today would perhpas be seen as artists or geniuses. Or at the very least, they would be helped with therapy, and perhaps pharmaceuticals.

In any case, there's some crazy shit that used to go down.

Here's an excerpt of the Wikipedia article on Rosemary Kennedy, one of the sisters of the Kennedy clan. (There were, in all, nine siblings).

"In 1941, when Rosemary Kennedy was 23, her father was told by her doctors that a cutting edge procedure would help calm her "mood swings that the family found difficult to handle at home". Her father, Joe Kennedy, gave permission for the procedure to be performed...The procedure in question was a lobotomy.
At the time, only sixty-five lobotomies had been performed. The procedure was described as follows:
"We went through the top of the head, I [Dr. Watts] think she was awake. She had a mild tranquilizer. I made a surgical incision in the brain through the skull. It was near the front. It was on both sides. We just made a small incision, no more than an inch." The instrument Dr. Watts used looked like a butter knife. He swung it up and down to cut brain tissue. "We put an instrument inside," he said. As Dr. Watts cut, Dr. Freeman put questions to Rosemary. For example, he asked her to recite the Lord's Prayer or sing "God Bless America" or count backwards. ... "We made an estimate on how far to cut based on how she responded." ... When she began to become incoherent, they stopped.
Instead of producing the hoped-for result, however, the lobotomy reduced Rosemary to an infantile mentality that left her incontinent and staring blankly at walls for hours. Her verbal skills were reduced to unintelligible babble. Her mother remarked that although the lobotomy stopped her daughter's violent behavior, it left her completely incapacitated.

And Now, A Dramatic Reading From Section 1233 of H.R. 3200

‘‘Advance Care Planning Consultation
‘‘(hhh)(1) Subject to paragraphs (3) and (4), the
term ‘advance care planning consultation’ means a con-
sultation between the individual and a practitioner de-
scribed in paragraph (2) regarding advance care planning,
if, subject to paragraph (3), the individual involved has
not had such a consultation within the last 5 years. Such
consultation shall include the following:
‘‘(A) An explanation by the practitioner of ad-
vance care planning, including key questions and
considerations, important steps, and suggested peo-
ple to talk to.
‘‘(B) An explanation by the practitioner of ad-
vance directives, including living wills and durable
powers of attorney, and their uses.
‘‘(C) An explanation by the practitioner of the
role and responsibilities of a health care proxy.
‘‘(D) The provision by the practitioner of a list
of national and State-specific resources to assist con-
sumers and their families with advance care plan-
ning, including the national toll-free hotline, the ad-
vance care planning clearinghouses, and State legal
service organizations (including those funded
through the Older Americans Act of 1965).
‘‘(E) An explanation by the practitioner of the
continuum of end-of-life services and supports avail-
able, including palliative care and hospice, and bene-
fits for such services and supports that are available
under this title.

Monday, August 24, 2009

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

You Want to Have Sex with My Friend Dave

It's ok. A lot of people do.

Dave Navarro is having me on his radio show again as a guest. Listen here from 10pm to midnight PST. We'll talk about politics, love, and you. Call in!

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Kimmel

Kenny, Jimmy and I will make a comedy explosion onto your face. AND YOU WILL LIKE IT.

Monday, August 10, 2009

Literary Death Match

Do you love literary readings, but hate standing in a crowded Barnes and Noble next to a guy who smells like feet?

Then check out the Literary Death Match. Smart, funny writer types compete in an all out battle!

The next one is tomorrow night here in LA. And I'll be a judge! For more info, and to buy tickets, go here.

I promise to be nice and loopy, too, from sleep deprivation. I've been super busy this week shooting a pilot for Comedy Central called Midwest Teen Sex Show, based on the super popular web shorts. Yay for sex and comedy!

Sunday, August 9, 2009

Grammar


I hope these teachers are not teaching how to form the possessive of Los Angeles.

Friday, August 7, 2009

Wrap

We just wrapped on this stretch of Mayne Street episodes. It was an amazing time, as usual. Everyone who works on this project is a top notch person. For real.

I can't wait until the new episodes are online so we can all get our comedy hard-ons.

In the meantime, here's a pic of me, Kenny, Ben and Aubrey.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

He Did It!



So psyched that these girls are home. Way to go, Clinton!

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Happy Birthday, Mr. President!

It's 11:29pm here in California. Phew! I just made it.....Happy Birthday!

I was out shooting Mayne Street.

That's right; we're doing a round of episodes from here in LA. You will love them. PROMISE.

Monday, August 3, 2009

The Management

You guys know how I feel about Hummers (the vehicles, not the blowjobs).

My latest personal amusement is leaving notes on theses energy-suckers in parking garages when they are parked in the compact car spots. You know - the spaces that clearly say COMPACT on them.

I leave an official looking note from "The Management" telling them that they will be cited if seen parking again in a spot meant for small cars.

I'm sure they just toss it, but maybe I should disguise it as an Ed Hardy coupon, a free shitty techno CD, or a complimentary ticket to a strip club. That'll get their attention.

Saturday, August 1, 2009

False Pretenses



Dear New Citizens,

Welcome to the US of A!

I've got some bad news. Swearing you in at Disney World may have given you a false illusion of our country. Turns out, our streets are much dirtier, there are no giant talking mice who wear white gloves, and our President is not animatronic.

Spaceships do not fly on indoor roller coasters, Cinderella does not live in a castle, and ice cream vendors do no sing or dance.

However, the overweight people waiting to buy the ice cream? The ones who cut in line and are talking too loud on their cellphones? The ones who have their kids on leashes? That's a pretty accurate depiction.

Welcome!